020 - What are Your Plans for 2021?

January is my least favorite month of the whole year.

I mean, not only is it a huge letdown after the holidays, but it’s also cold (at least where I live) and dark (how many days until Daylight Savings starts?!).

But this year especially, January just feels heavy. More so than normal. And I think it’s because, in years past, the one good part of January was the chance for a fresh start - to make resolutions and set new goals, to plan with eager anticipation the year ahead.

Except I haven’t really done any of that this year. I usually decide on a word for the year, but I haven’t landed on one yet. I like to set a few goals and make plans to reach those goals, but every time I’ve thought about goals for this year, I’ve gotten overwhelmed. I bought a fancy planner and printed out the 2021 Growth Journal with every intention of mapping out my year, but the pages are still mostly empty.

As I’ve tried to dig into my feelings and thoughts to try to figure out why I’m dragging my feet in getting a plan together for my year, the first thing I discovered is that I’m just really tired. Even worn out. Surviving all of 2020 and the first chunk of 2021 hasn’t been easy, and I’m still trying to recover from all that’s been going on around us.

Can you relate? As cliche as it’s becoming to say, 2020 really was an incredibly difficult year. Even if you weren’t directly impacted by sickness, job loss, financial insecurity, racial injustices, riots, or political unrest, you still experienced it. And you still had to mentally and emotionally process what was going on around you. You may be finding it difficult to step into 2021 because you just don’t have the energy to take any steps at all.

All the upheaval and emotional expenditure has left it really difficult for me to take on one more thing, in this case, making any kind of plan for the year. It’s as though my heart and mind worked so hard in 2020 just trying to survive that now, when I have the opportunity to work toward beginning to thrive again, I’m having trouble making that effort.

The second thing I discovered as I began to dig into why it’s been so difficult this year to try to make goals and plans is because none of my plans in 2020 worked out. By March, everything was different, all my plans - plans I spent a lot of time thinking about and praying over - had gone out the window. At the end of 2020, I had very little to show for what I set out at the beginning of the year to accomplish. And if I’m being honest, it was really, really discouraging. As someone who not only really likes to make plans but also really likes to grow, it wasn’t easy to come to the end of 2020 and feel as though my plans for growth had failed.

Anyone else? (Please tell me I’m not the only one!)

Here’s the thing: I don’t quite have this one figured out. I’ve been thinking a lot, praying a lot, reflecting a lot. But I still don’t feel motivated or excited to set goals or make plans for the year.

And the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to be okay with it. It’s okay to not make plans. It’s okay to be tired after an incredibly difficult year. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling as you step in 2021, because chances are you have a good reason for feeling that way. I think the more we try to fight against it, instead of leaning in and acknowledging the trauma we’ve experienced, the more it will continue to exhaust us and the more difficult it will be to return to any semblance of normal when the time comes. And the time will come.

Like I said, I don’t have it all figured out. Maybe you don’t either. Let me offer us both a consolation: God does have it all figured out. He really does. He’s not surprised by what happened last year, and He won’t be surprised by whatever happens this year.

So even when our plans fall through or we can’t even make plans at all, God’s plans will happen exactly as they should. He never fails. Even when we’re exhausted, God will never get tired. He won’t even break a sweat. And even when we don’t know what to think or feel or do, God offers us a safe place to not know. Because when we don’t know, we can trust that He does.

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Published in the 020 - January 12 issue of TuesdayTribe

Written by Hannah Hladek